| we'll make your movement the hottest shit |
[11 Oct 2004|10:14pm] |
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ab206 mixtape |
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here's an update cuz daps says so...
in thinking about what to do with the rest of my life, what's important to me, where i want to go, i remember kasama pam who gave me some great advice in the phil. she said, it's real popular and common amongst us petty b's to "soul search", to look for ourselves in these expos, and really, if we just look to the masses and picture us in their embrace we can truly find our purpose. thanks pam for just bringin' it back to the needs of the people. steppin out of that 'me' frame of reference and delving into the people's perspective and needs i find that life and my goals are so clear. work. it's just time to work. serve the people. paglingkuran ang sambayanan. so easy to focus on my individual pains, the personal attacks, but i should realize our people: the workers, farmers, and peasants of the world and particularly of the philippines, are the ones who are constantly attacked, constantly in pain i cannot even compare to and they should be put first. and what a beautiful and strong people to put first. so resilient, so diligent.
seattle is still as gorgeous as i remember it and the kasamas even more. real good times this weekend. moreover, real good work for the people to come out of it. good job anakbayan and puso for the coordination of a succesful ilps build-up conference! thanks ron donna daps cesar helene rachel free may amy wakx joanne chera geo brian ace and all the wonderfully wise and fun titas and titos from vancouver, bc for sharing some momentum with us 3 from the bay.
long live international solidarity!
isulong ang pambansang demokratikong pakikibaka!
imperiyalismo ibagsak!
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[08 Mar 2004|03:48am] |
tatang tatang alam kong alam niyo, di-sapat ang libu-libong baril at hukbo, patuloy ang digmaan iba lang ang anyo, ang kalaban ay naririyan pa.
tatang tatang, i know you know that thouands of guns and armies aren't enough, the war still continues but with a different shadow, the enemy is still close
this weekend was powerful for building and sharing. the philippines is still a month away but i'm already feeling anxious. so much to do. so much to take care of. i'm feeling a little tangled up in my anxiety. gotta breathe and make sure i'm all square by the time i leave for home and cordillera day.
i love our kasamas. always looking out and ready to support. jasen, rachel, rhonda, kawal and beej. this weekend retreat was all because of them. thanks. cordi day '04 is going to be amazing. got to build some awesome cultural presentations. learned river song on guitar. came up with a dope show stopping makabayan skit and getting ready to lead folks in the people's choir after the solidarity statement. rickke, angelica, rissa, and kuusela: here we go folks. what goes down, stays down.
tickets in hand and an empty heart waiting to be filled with memories and lessons from inang bayan.
stp.
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[25 Feb 2004|01:11am] |
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they are making moves to further institutionalize their oppression on queers.
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[06 Jan 2004|01:31am] |
*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.
What pisses you off?
Created by ptocheia
surprise surprise.
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[04 Jan 2004|04:31pm] |
TITO KIWI'S HALO HALO DAZE IS THE BOMB CD.
ahahahahah. good looks kiwi.
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got new digital pics with the newly shaven face. soon to appear at a queer personal ad and friendster profile near you.
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i have joined the nalgene generation. it took a while but i had to give in.
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cordi day '04 is gon' be off the hook. baguio, bulan, pasay here i come!
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new york 1/16 - 1/26. true blue indeed.
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[04 Jan 2004|03:39am] |
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kiwi's halo halo daze |
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a senhora sabe onde fica o restaurante flamengo?
that is the extent of my portuguese speaking ability thus far. i bought a new language learning cd and its cool but im still in need of a portuguese speaking friend.
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so much to say in the new year about the last one but i think its safe to say that '03 was good to me.
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happy anniversary to 35 years. if you know what im talking about then padayon kaduwa at huwag matakot.
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[30 Dec 2003|01:56pm] |
You are corn starch. You are the mufuckin bomb, you just go ahead with your corn starchy ass and
without you a lot of things would collapse.
hopefully you'll never have the authority to
burn people at the stake. Sir. Ma'am.
Which Stupid Ass Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[13 Dec 2003|12:14am] |
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getz/gilberto - para machuchar meu coracao |
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my mom is 54 today... and instead of waking up to phone her a nice 'good mornin moms, happy birthday' message i ran out the door greasy haired and muta eyed cuz i was an hour late for my first period workshop at oakland high. luckily, the teacher was out due to all the immigrant rights protests and such. lots of students wanted to walk out but none of them knew why. the sub was a collared shirt redneck. 3rd period is my favorite.
so yeah, moms is 54. damn, i just remember always thinking she was 40. like for 5 years she was 40. she's still so young. still so full of want yet her desires and dreams float above my sister and i casting a grim shadow. we had good laughs and tempura tonight. i like it when we double team the comedy bit in public. we're good that way.
i really love kawal. he's a great guy. all jokes and teeth. wish i could've been there tonight at our human rights campaign launch and screening. "ang kaaway" is a dope ass film. i hella teared at the people power 2 shot where they got their fists in the air, singing 'bayan ko' that song is so much doper than bayang magiliw and deserves to be the nat'l anthem.
i love amir. i can't wait to be a mamapapa.
i'm thinking of quitting my job in april and going to the phil for 4 months: april-july. there's a possibility ahs will still hire me back in the fall. when i get back i would go back to school. i guess the brasil '05 plans might be postponed but i might be able to be in the phil with jo and serg and the rest of the lfs comrades for the summer expo!
i love my sister. she's growing up into a wonderful loving young pinay. damn. blood fa'sho.
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[11 Dec 2003|02:34pm] |
so i took the day off today due to a strained finger. who the fuck takes days off because of a strained finger? i guess im just starting to really feel the s.a.d. (seasonal affectedness disorder)all the rain is beautiful but its starting to bog me down. i miss the sun. my room and rissa's room are the two rooms in the house that get no fucking sun! plus, im getting tired of the job. im so over high school sex ed. so over it.
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hi mercedes! oi eric! hi lijia! if any of you are reading this now, thanks for making last night tres cool. i was kind of dreading coming to lyric last night cuz i've been so lethargic recently and after work i just wanna go home and drown myself in video games and portuguese book tapes so, i'm glad yesterday was a blast.
so why the hell does evelyn live in the colon of el cerrito. i mean, to put it like mercedes did last night, that shit was all up in the cuts like neosporin. good thing though, got to spend some good pie and gossip time with mercedes at nation's while heading back home.
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got a chrp meeting tonight. im really excited to go to the philippines this april and bond with the folks im going on the expo trip with. excited to be back home for a lil bit, this time for more than just being with family. this'll be the first time going home with other fil-ams with a specific political purpose. everyone says i should get in shape. that i'll be runnin all over the mountains with mad weight on my back. damn. my tummy is sore just thinking about it but i really don't want to look like a lazy fat american flip in the phil who can't hang with walking. gotta start disciplining the body now.
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last night, tina angela and i really got excited about trying to get to brasil in '05. i'm really trying to go! that would be so awesome. i'm planning to take some portuguese classes next fall after i get back from the phil. sao paolo, rio, salvador! bam!
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[29 Nov 2003|02:00pm] |
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randomly, while in a chatroom for queer husky boys, i run into one of the nat'l co-chairs for the socialist party of the usa. chamoru husky from berkeley. interesting. who'd a thunk it??
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[22 Nov 2003|11:23am] |
i am a new from monument to masses groupie.
for real.
me and jo in the sea of puti hipsters, me almost in tears.
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[19 Nov 2003|11:38pm] |
oh my god, i just heard kiwi's joint for the first time tonight!!!!
THE FIRST TRACK IS THE TAENG MAINIT FA'SHO! was just mad hyped through the whole cd. hella cheesin it. on some like, sayin 'oooooh shit' every 10 seconds type shit.
man, i love my brown men! love 'em!
lick a shot for the kayumanggi.
thanks kiwi.
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[05 Nov 2003|01:58pm] |
UNMASKING THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER:
MANAGING JEALOUSY IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS
By Kathy Labriola, Counselor/Nurse
In my counseling practice, I work with many people who have chosen to have open relationships--to have more than one intimate sexual relationship. The biggest obstacle to creating successful and satisfying open relationships is jealousy. Despite how enlightened we think we are, most of us experience jealousy if our spouse or lover has a sexual relationship with someone else. A few rare individuals never experience jealousy. They are either more highly evolved than the rest of us mortals, or else they are pathologically out of touch with their feelings. I advise clients to treat jealousy as a given: assume that it will occur, and be prepared with strategies to successfully address it and minimize the damage.
JEALOUSY IS A WHOLE BUNDLE OF EMOTIONS
We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion, but actually it is a whole bundle of feelings that tend to get lumped together. Jealousy can manifest as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, agitation, sadness, paranoia, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling inadequate, feeling excluded. It often helps to identify what is the exact mix of feelings you experience when you feel jealous. What is the primary emotion you feel when you are jealous? Demystifying the exact components of your jealousy can be a giant step towards getting a grip on things and resolving the problem. Is it always the same for you or does the mix change from time to time depending on circumstances? For instance, one woman figured out that her jealousy was about 50% fear, 20% anger, 20% feeling powerless and 10% feeling betrayed. However, when she asked her partner for reassurance and affection, and he provided it, the anger and betrayal disappeared. Then her jealousy was much more manageable, because most of what was left was fear and she could express those feelings more easily to her partner and resolve them.
JEALOUSY IS ABOUT FEAR
It is crucial to understand what jealousy is and what it is about. Jealousy is about fear--fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability.
For every jealous feeling there is an emotion behind the jealousy that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Behind jealousy there is an unmet need or a deep fear that our needs will not be met. Recognizing those fears and unmet needs is the key to unmasking jealousy and taking away its power. Jealousy is just the finger pointing at the fears and needs we are afraid to face. When jealousy kicks in, it is the ancient reptilian part of our brain going into a "fight or flight" response because we feel that our very survival is threatened. When you feel jealous, ask yourself, "What is it that I am really afraid of? What do I need to make this situation safe for me?" "What is the worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to happen?"
UNMASKING JEALOUSY: SOME SUCCESSFUL EXAMPLES
Jessica believed in open marriage but she became insanely jealous when her husband John initiated a sexual relationship with Carol. In counseling, it became clear that Jessica had already felt lonely and neglected for years because John was obsessed with his work and didn't give her enough time and enough sex. Behind her jealousy we as feeling of scarcity and deprivation, and an unmet need for love. As soon as John started spending more quality time with her, their intimacy was greatly enhanced, and her jealousy virtually disappeared.
Kate and Peggy are two bisexual women involved in a long-term relationship. Peggy got very jealous when her lover started a relationship with a man. In counseling, Peggy realized that she felt insecure about Kate's commitment to her. Behind her jealousy was an overwhelming fear of loss and abandonment, and she feared that Kate would leave her for this new man. Kate reassured her that she was fully committed to their relationship, and Peggy was able to move beyond jealousy to full acceptance of her partner's new lover.
Greg had many affairs outside his marriage, but when his wife got involved with a hunky, much younger man that she met at the gym, he became very jealous and threatened divorce. In counseling, he admitted that he was feeling old and unattractive and felt very threatened by his wife's new lover. She reassured Greg that she loved him and that she was still very sexually attracted to him. Behind Greg's jealousy was the fear that his wife would reject him sexually, as well as his own insecurities about aging and loss of sexual prowess.
George and Marsha lived together many years, but were on the verge of breaking up because George got involved with Barbara. After a few counseling sessions, Marsha realized that she only got jealous when George saw Barbara on weekends. Marsha demanded that George reserve weekends for her and see Barbara only on weeknights. The new relationship upset her schedule and shook up her sense of security. As soon as she was guaranteed every weekend with George, her jealousy subsided. After several months, she felt secure enough that she told George he could see Barbara one weekend night each week, and they negotiated a schedule that seemed equitable for everyone.
Bob and Peter are two Gay men in a committed relationship. Bob wanted sex much more often, so Peter told him to go to the baths and have casual sexual relationships with other men. However, he became angry and withdrawn when Bob actually went out, and was even less inclined to want sex. In counseling he revealed that he was worried that Bob might have unsafe sex with other men and be exposed to HIV/AIDS. They agreed to both be re-tested for HIV, and negotiated a clear agreement that they would have only 100% safer sex outside of their relationship. After that, Peter's jealousy subsided so much that he began asking Bob to tell him all about his sexual adventures. This sharing sexually aroused him and as a result they began having sex much more frequently.
Sara, a bisexual woman, was involved with Dave, a straight man. Dave got involved with Helen. Helen was very jealous of Sara, and demanded that Dave leave Sara. Sara understood Helen's feelings, so she encouraged Dave to spend more time with Helen to help her feel more secure. Sara also called Helen to reassure her that she welcomed her and wanted to cooperate to make this work out for all three of them. After a few months Helen gradually became less jealous and stopped making such extreme demands for Dave's time and attention.
Beth and Mark had agreed to an open relationship, but Beth was very jealous when Mark told her that he wanted to start a relationship with Janet. Beth asked Mark and Janet to give her a month to get used to the idea before becoming sexually involved, and they agreed to wait. As Beth got to know Janet she decided that Mark had excellent taste in women, and she gave them the green light to have a sexual relationship. The first few nights Mark spent with Janet were very hard for Beth; she couldn?t sleep and was very frightened about the future, but she waited it out and her jealousy faded. Because she felt she had some control over the situation and had a voice in how it unfolded, her jealousy was minimized.
JEALOUSY IS INEVITABLY GENERATED BY OUR CORE BELIEFS
Our society is addicted to three core beliefs about relationships that are almost guaranteed to create jealousy even in the most well-adjusted people. Most of us have absorbed these beliefs without even realizing it. Identifying and dismantling these beliefs in our "heart of hearts" is the single most effective way to short-circuit jealousy. Ask yourself how much of you believes each of these three statements. Is it 90% of yourself that believes them? 50%? Notice which belief is most entrenched in your subconscious mind and which one you?ve made the most progress on:
Core Belief #1
If my partner really loved me, (s)he wouldn?t have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.
This belief sees any interest your partner has in anyone else as a direct reflection of how much (s)he loves you. It?s a quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner. When you break it down, this is as absurd as saying that a couple that gives birth to a second child must not love their first child or they couldn?t possibly have any interest in having a second one.
Core Belief #2
If my partner were happy with me, and if I were a good partner/spouse/lover/etc., my partner would be so satisfied that (s)he wouldn?t want to get involved with anyone else.
This belief is even more insidious. With the first belief you can at least blame it on your partner for not loving you enough. This belief says that if your partner is interested in someone else, it?s your fault for not being the perfect lover or spouse and your relationship must be a failure. If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because you?re inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time!
Core Belief #3
It?s just not possible to love more than one person at the same time.
This belief is built on the "scarcity economy of love", the belief that love is a finite resource, there is only so much to go around, and there is never enough. Therefore, if my partner gives any of her or his love to anyone else, that necessarily means that there?s less for me. Because most people already feel there are some areas in their relationship where they are not getting enough of something (time, love, affection, sex, support, commitment) they are fearful that they will receive even less if their partner gets involved with additional partners.
Because each of these beliefs is connected to a very primal fear, they take time and effort to overcome. The first belief expresses a deep fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned. The second taps into our insecurities and the fear that we are not adequate or deserving of love, and the third is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention. So have compassion for yourself and your partner(s) as you work with these beliefs and gradually replace them with beliefs that support your desire to embrace open relationships. Try on these new beliefs instead and see how they feel to you..
New Core Belief #1
My partner loves me so much that (s)he trusts our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more love from others.
New Core Belief #2
My relationship is so solid and trusting that we can experience other relationships freely. My partner is so satisfied with me and our relationship that having other partners will not threaten the bond we enjoy.
New Core Belief #3
There is an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Loving more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand my potential for giving and receiving love.
The fact that these new beliefs sound so strange and almost laughable to us at first shows just how deeply the old paradigm beliefs about love and relationships are ingrained in our consciousness. It also underscores the importance of dissolving these old beliefs if we ever hope to enjoy multiple relationships free of jealousy.
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[24 Oct 2003|09:08pm] |
if you are frontin' right now...
STOP!
message brought to you by your neighborhood stank ass scorpio
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[08 Sep 2003|02:27am] |
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yukihiro fukutomi - love each other |
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just when you thought you went as deep as you could go...
it gets deeper than ever...
LOVE EACH OTHER !
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[04 Sep 2003|12:50am] |
PETER CAMEJO FOR CALIFORNIA PRESIDENT!!!!
with all the hype doesn't it seem like a presidency race? and arnold just got egged! hah. and double hah to ueberhoff for saying he's not a politician but a businessman last night during the first recall debate. who the hell is gonna love you more for being an old white businessman. sure baddy?
WILL YOU VOTE GREEN FOR ME SINCE I CAN'T BECAUSE IM STILL AN ALIEN????
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[23 Aug 2003|07:15pm] |
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got my first ever baybayin tat today at the sixdeuce headquarters. damn, im so feeling my own joint its not even funny.
tilamsik sa dakilang apoy - is what my tattoo says in baybayin and its got an outline of a ling-lingo right in the center. HOTNESS.
if i had a friend with a digicam that lived close maybe i could post it on here. i dont know how to otherwise though.
and dont even flash kamaya cuz i woulda done told you first if you had your cell on you and not lost it here in the yay.
sigh, damn. im just hella trippin cuz its on my body forever!!!
hella beautiful though. wish ya'll could see.
much thanks to leks for hooking it up and being a dope ass artist and support through it. hella making sure i ate first and shit, giving time to breathe and check in with me. damn. word up for real.
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| how trus this is of me.... |
[08 Aug 2003|02:05pm] |
FROM CAINER.COM:
malaya timawa dimaapi is mysterious and enigmatic; deep, perceptive, powerful, passionate and terribly, terribly sexy! The sentence above must be true because malaya timawa is a Scorpio and Scorpios as we all know are infamous for their interest in... well now, here's a funny thing. Despite what they say, Scorpios are not actually quite as wild and wicked as they are painted. malaya timawa has, it must be said, a very hypnotic appeal but what's truly mesmerising about malaya timawa is not his pout but his perspicacity. malaya timawa has an uncanny, almost spooky to see right through you. He can make you feel naked and exposed just by casting one meaningful glance in your direction. What he is looking at though, when he peers below the surface, is not your underwear but your underlying intention! "Where are you coming from? What are you up to? Can you be trusted? Are you going to tell the truth?" These are the questions that malaya timawa subconsciously fires out as soon as he sees you. His inner radar never fails to provide him with the right answer. He is sensitive beyond measure, and it is partly to protect his own sensitivity that he scrutinises people so thoroughly.
There is another reason why malaya timawa dimaapi is so keen to see into your soul: he needs to know how sensitive you are. He knows from long, bitter experience that not many people can take the kind of candour that he cannot help but dispense. malaya timawa is not a person to mince his words, hold back his opinions or shy away from taboo topics. He doesn't want to cause offence, nor does he want to waste his time, so he picks his confidantes carefully. All of which brings us back to where we began. If you are sensitive enough to appreciate malaya timawa's special qualities you will consider that there is something exceptionally sexy about him and he will feel the same way about you. So perhaps malaya timawa dimaapi is living proof that it is true what they say about Scorpios after all.
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how eerie cainer.com is... you should check it out www.cainer.com
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| update of the summer... or just the last month really. |
[06 Aug 2003|09:49pm] |
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blue flashing light - travis |
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so im doing an HIV/AIDS 101 workshop for the probations office this afternoon and i get to transmission and fluids, etc. everyone's asking "what if" questions: what if i did this... would i get hiv; what if this happened... would i get aids.
then, this one dude is like,
yo so like, lets say you're dead right. (okay, im dead)and you got aids(okay, im dead and have aids)and let's just say right, what if im crazy (WTF!?? im dead with aids and you're CRAZY?!?!?!) [at this point im bustin up laughin, asking him where is this going and everyone else is laughin' and he says "are you gonna listen to me or what?"] i apologize and say okay so finish, im dead with aids and you're crazy (???)he says
what if im crazy AND I EAT YOU!!!
HAHAHHAHA, I START BUSTIN THE FUCK UP. THAT SHIT IS SO FUNNY!!! in the 4 years of doing sex ed workshops ive never heard that type of shit before....
isn't that the funniest???
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in bits related news. big herry chun king has defected. the bond between the bits fam is further strengthened and kabitskwen is flying to the O next week.
in some part of oregon, leaving a chevron
malayabits: yeah, i dont know that was hella crazy. im just glad its over
kabitskwen: yeah, you were stupid.
thanks bits. you dont kahber your pribayt towts do you? no frontayts. luya sobras.
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can't wait to go to seattle this september to see luvjonizzles and ddouble aka mr. bagong pogi and go to the amlag/quibuyen union. oh when will jonesy and i move back HOME. miss ya toots, we finna kick it in the northwest soon girl.
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friendster makes me feel disconnected. how ironic.
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why does anne of green gables still get me so emotional?? oh shut up, you know you loved it too when you were 9 watching it in the summer on PBS along with 321 Contact, SquareONE TV, and Reading Rainbow. WHAT??!?!?
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just watched the summit dvd. damn memories. damn different time. different bits. my hair was so ugly hahaha.
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serg and joanna are dope
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i wuvs me some bobbits
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the lucksmiths are coming, and I'll be there!!!!
-cuz i rely on the strangness of kind friends.....
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